I feel drawn to writing about so many different topics, it's honestly hard to choose.
In honour of the Messenger, I will share my current experience where she walks beside me and weaves her magic still.
I recently discovered I have been in a form of survival my whole life until now. I had no frame of reference as to what thriving felt like. To call this word into my body felt so foreign, I didn't know where to place it. I had heard this word thrown around, "thriving" but I never applied it to my own life. It took a dear friend to very directly say to me that she wanted me to thrive. I felt numb. Thrive?
I played with this word for days, weeks. The more I meditated and ruminated on this word, the more attention I payed to the power this word had on my body. Things were starting to shift. I started thinking about things differently. I gleaned a new way of looking at my life lived so far. After a day of disorganisation, being on the back foot with the kids, cooking on the fly with nothing prepared, preparing for social commitments minutes before attending them I realised, this is one aspect of surviving.
Treading water and just making it to the end of the day. Living in a shallow breath. I sensed what this felt like in my body, it felt edgy, tense and highly wound. I tried breathing deeply to calm my system but it didn't shake it. I tried to slow into a calmer pace but it just didn't budge. I want to thrive I thought. Thrive. Thrive. I held on to this word, or did this word gently reach its hand out to me? Was it teaching me this whole time?
I thought about what it would look like to thrive. How it would feel in my body. I would be organised, relaxed, calm. Able to handle situations with ease and grace. At this moment as my perspective shifted, a book made its way into my life. A book teaching me about better supporting my body. And not just my body, my children's bodies too. I learnt another term to apply to feeling as though I'm surviving and that was anxiety. This sense of feeling as though I'm always out of time, needing to rush to the next thing, not being able to sit still and relax. I saw this reflected in my children.
This current that ran through my body like a discordant frequency. I felt determined and I felt the vibration of the word "thrive" right beside me as my new spiritual ally. Another message was delivered to me through another friend. She happened to share with me information about our nervous systems and what it looks like to operate from their varying aspects. I received her message with much gratitude. It was like spirit talking directly to me.
This message pieced together two puzzle pieces I had been holding on to with a blank stare for some time. I now felt I had the evidence I needed to join how the body and our emotions are intertwined. After spending so many years on my personal development, creating a democratic and peaceful family dynamic, I was still hitting a block, there was still discord in my body and in my family dynamics. My studies taught me how much effect the body has on our ability to handle what life throws at us. How much the body is responsible for these sensations of anxiety and stress and much much more.
Thrive (in its conscious form) has taught me to support my body so I can support myself and those around me. To open up the gateway that allows me to sit within my true self. My highest self. My self that is less shaken by life's twists and turns. My self that resides in compassion, joy and love. A discovery that may never have been made had I not been paying attention to messages being delivered. As I write this, I have a cathartic sense of gratitude towards all that is. Towards the spirits that work on the subtle plains, the spirits behind our words. Thrive is my angel and my messenger, delivering me to a place I can live that is beyond my wildest dreams.
They're confronting. I remember seeing myself for the first time. As in everything that the cobwebs of my ego had caught through my life so far. It felt like I was standing at a crossroads. Not knowing whether I should retreat, run or bury myself. I felt overwhelmed. There was apart of me who didn't want to acknowledge the selfish and narcissistic-like qualities that had built up. The anger, the critic, the manipulator. I wanted to go back, back to my blissful ignorance. But I knew deep inside that I simply couldn't.
I couldn't 'unknow' what I had realised. I had shadows. When I lived in a state of unawareness, of blissful ignorance, it was like being on a merry go round that never took me to my destination. I wanted to know joy but in order to truly experience that I had to give up what was holding me back - myself. Or at least certain aspects of myself, my shadows. These aspects that block and prevent us from achieving our desires and the only way to get what we want is to go through our shadows until we reach a level of self realisation and find peace with it. And not just one, but many. Sometimes they feel endless, but the effort is worth the rewards.
My experiences have definitely brought me to a point where I now crave discovering a shadow, some aspect hiding in my subconscious waiting to be plucked and a light shone upon it. Once I know what's there, I can change it and become the person I want to be. The person that can hold space, not judge and love unconditionally. Know thyself. Some of the wisest words ever uttered. To know ourselves is to know our whole selves. The dark and the light.
"There was a man who walked the path of service. He gave what he could when he could. He felt content with life, he thought himself happy. Though his work wasn't completely satisfying, it was enough. Though he felt tired, he felt good within himself knowing it was in service to his community.
As it happened one day, the fire he was lighting in his hearth caught his attention to such a degree it was as though his whole body was held captivated. Like a drug, something about the fire lured his attention deeper and deeper into the mesmerising flames. His lounge room left him. His life as he knew it left him. He entered a space outside of time, outside of known reality. His experience was indescribable. It was beyond words. Just as only a specific key can unlock a door, something was unlocked inside of him.
His awareness returned to his living space and with that came the knowing that he was bigger and capable of so much more than what he thought. That he could achieve dreams he hadn't yet had. He couldn't shake the experience. It gently observed every thought he had. He felt his tasks suddenly inefficient and unsatisfying. Life became uncomfortable. He felt himself searching with no answers. So he went back to the fire.
But try as he might, nothing happened. In that moment he gave up searching. Gave up trying. He surrendered. His mind relaxed and just as it did all the answers flooded his consciousness. He knew what he had to do. So every morning he woke between the time of night and day. And sat in the space of time he created for himself. In these moments, his soul was filled with the knowledge he needed to walk his path wholeheartedly. To step into his every desire, both known and unknown. He knew what to do and what he needed in every moment.
Every time he said yes to connecting with something greater, his relationship with it strengthened. Nothing was hidden from his view, the power of love flowed through him exponentially and reached tens of thousands more than he ever thought he ever would."
I went to write this blog a few times before growing the courage to try something a bit different. Sometimes I find it hard to effectively communicate my intended message, in these moments I lean on story. Ritual can be an overbearing and loaded word. When I listen carefully to the vibration of this word I sense it is gentle in nature but like a gateway which on the other side holds a lot of power, it can ignite some fear.
When we practice ritual, we are honouring ourselves. And not just our earthly selves but our spiritual selves as well. We are connecting with the divine, whether its something as simple as drinking lemon water every morning or something filled with intention such as a full moon manifesting ritual. To apply the saying actions speak louder than words, when we engage with ritual we are acknowledging something greater and simultaneously saying yes to receiving help, guidance and answers to our prayers.